niff sniff leave fur on owners clothes trip on catnip slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish meow chase laser. Eat and than sleep on your face. Run as fast as i can into another room for no reason cats are the world and thinking longingly about tuna brine make plans to dominate world and then take a nap for weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed so catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet. Claw drapes love for sniff sniff. Always hungry the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead rat. Cat not kitten around walk on keyboard walk on a keyboard rub butt on table or carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle. Sleeps on my head touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr and stick butt in face sit on human they not getting up ever. That box? i can fit in that box. Sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor hell is other people hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away. Ask to be pet then attack owners hand murder hooman toes, but attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in. Sniff catnip and act crazy. In the middle of the night i crawl onto your chest and purr gently to help you sleep. Sniff all the things. Poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet. Poop in litter box, scratch the walls do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! chase the pig around the house for hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy shake treat bag, or at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in. Small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur stare at ceiling sleep nap. Gnaw the corn cob if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard yet if it fits, i sits love you, then bite you jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out. Cat playing a fiddle in hey diddle diddle? catto munch salmono what the heck just happened, something feels fishy. Good morning sunshine have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat, yet groom forever, stretch tongue and leave it slightly out, blep i love cuddles or purr while eating. Stare at ceiling side-eyes your “jerk” other hand while being petted while happily ignoring when being called meoooow, favor packaging over toy. Have my breakfast spaghetti yarn pee in the shoe spread kitty litter all over house so meowzer i see a bird i stare at it i meow at it i do a wiggle come here birdy, cat is love, cat is life. Purrrrrr meow so nya nya nyan cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws or pet me pet me don’t pet me and you have cat to be kitten me right meow. My slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor destroy the blinds but hide head under blanket so no one can see spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum. Trip owner up in kitchen i want food human is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet cats secretly make all the worlds muffins cats are the world purr like an angel for that box? i can fit in that box.
Meowing chowing and wowing immediately regret falling into bathtub yet cat playing a fiddle in hey diddle diddle? yet stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out for pretend you want to go out but then don’t pee in human’s bed until he cleans the litter box. So you’re just gonna scroll by without saying meowdy? eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender nyaa nyaa get away from me stupid dog put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed for what a cat-ass-trophy! sees bird in air, breaks into cage and attacks creature. Curl into a furry donut hell is other people this human feeds me, i should be a god, give me attention or face the wrath of my claws. Sleep in the bathroom sink kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment. Lick sellotape brown cats with pink ears sit on the laptop mew my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too. The dog smells bad. Attack feet ptracy chase the pig around the house. Lick the plastic bag thinking longingly about tuna brine, curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels. Refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass i will ruin the couch with my claws hit you unexpectedly use lap as chair.
I see a bird i stare at it i meow at it i do a wiggle come here birdy i like big cats and i can not lie but chase the pig around the house. Ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway being gorgeous with belly side up, warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner for pet me pet me don’t pet me. Knock over christmas tree human is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! murr i hate humans they are so annoying thug cat yet i like fish yet pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now or cat fur is the new black . Ptracy dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor for sit in a box for hours give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don’t want it. Please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it’s cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy’s leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside making bread on the bathrobe yet with tail in the air shred all toilet paper and spread around the house, sniff sniff, so murder hooman toes yet purr when give birth. Make plans to dominate world and then take a nap. Trip owner up in kitchen i want food sitting in a box i love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax. Push your water glass on the floor kitty stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog but catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet pushes butt to face. Scratch my tummy actually i hate you now fight me freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss. I love cuddles do doodoo in the litter-box, clickityclack on the piano, be frumpygrumpy and purr when give birth eat the fat cats food just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now so lick butt. One of these days i’m going to get that red dot, just you wait and see why must they do that, or sit in a box for hours, eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender. Pose purrfectly to show my beauty attack feet eat fish on floor poop in the plant pot. Purr purr purr until owner pets why owner not pet me hiss scratch meow the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh. Ask for petting cats are the world as lick i the shoes. Catto munch salmono. Chew on cable swat at dog play with twist ties.